How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize