why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Boobs speak an international language.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
