i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
it's like iHOP with fire
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Randomize
