You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
