see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
