You just made me feel so damn special
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
