I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I need a burrito and a hug.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
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