I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
