hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Randomize
