I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
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