i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
My dick has a subreddit
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
