the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize