After last night, I could never be a politician.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
40s are totally the cure
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
