I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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