All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
