if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
MIDGETS
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i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
