I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize