I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
