Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
