I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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