are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
