Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
