I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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