We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
