He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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