dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
