Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
i drank out of a bidet.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
