In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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