I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
smell my finger.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
