I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
