Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
