happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
