Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
