wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
