I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
My feet surprised me
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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