I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
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