I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize