I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
You smell like a Billy Joel song
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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