I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
