there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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