dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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