I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
