fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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