She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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