I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
