oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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