My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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