She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
