I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Can you bring me the toilet please
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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