i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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