My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
