Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
