go do what you do best...puke behind churches
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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