waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
