I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
