My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
