I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Randomize
