so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
