I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
