Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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