And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize