If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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