the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
