So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
