if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
