They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I can't put those talents on a resume
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