The maid of honor just puked.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
