honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
