My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
